Learning Something New
by ArtOfHowWeGrieve
Summary: An innocentyea right girl drags Malik to school under threat of death. Yet she ends up the one suffering. Their first class together: Sex Ed! Lol, yes Mab, this one's for you. And about you.


Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh, the world would be a happier place.  
  
Authors Note: IMPORTANT! I have decided to mercilessly torture my best friend Kat and write a fanfic between her and Malik. No, her and Malik was not the torture. The torture was telling her it took me almost a month to finish this. She's afraid of what I have written and is killing me to upload it. Well, Kat, its killing me that you're with Malik so we're pretty even. : But anyway, this fic has complete randomness and sappyness at the end. If you want to torture her...I mean, read her stuff her, her penname is YamiReina (hehe). Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Authors Note To Said Kat: *looks proud and amused* It took me two days to write the whole thing and I have had this thing ready and typed for almost two weeks now. *Eyes widen* *cowers in corner* ...don't kill me...don't kill me... *dodges various knives and daggers that are suddenly airborne and headed towards said authoress*   
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Kat uncrumpled a piece of paper which happened to be a survivor of World War III. To say that her and Malik had a fight would be an understatement. She had come over to his house and decided that he was not to be left alone without a chaperone. He was now enrolled into Domino High School, thanks to her. A few hisses, broken chairs, upturned tables, random bugs spay thrown about, and two battles with gravity later, one had to lose.   
  
Malik looked stunned from his position on the floor. A triumphant teenager was standing over him, arms crossed over her chest.   
  
"So I'll see you tomorrow," she told him happily and walked out of the house.   
  
"It happened," Malik's memory said. "It didn't happen," his pride disputed. "She beat you up," his memory insisted. "She did not such thing," his pride defended. Eventually, memory yielded. He calmly blocked the information from his mind and continued the day as usual; the genocide of squirrels, castration of cats, the stimulation of traffic jams, and kicking puppies.  
  
  
  
Malik opened his eyes as the doorbell rang. Then rang again. He looked at the clock. Six am? Malik groaned, turned over, and passed out again. That didn't stop the ringing of the goddamn bell. "I'll murder them and hang them by their toes from a lamppost," Malik threatened absentmindedly.   
  
Then Malik's eyes flew open. The doorbell stopped ringing. Instead, he heard footsteps downstairs. "Oh MA-LIK!" came the sing-song voice. Malik's eyes watered and he gripped his hair. His pride cowered in horror as a projectile launched herself into his bedroom and pulled him out of bed. He stood in the middle of the room, his Toy Story pajamas out for the world to see. After casting the lunatic a worried look, Kat stuffed his uniform into his hands.   
  
"No. no. no. no. no. no." Malik kept whispering to himself.  
  
~twenty minutes later~  
  
"...no. no. no. no. no" Malik whined as he was dragged to a place where all the lesser mortals were being herded together.   
  
"Malik, I got your schedule to be similar to mine."  
  
"...no. no. no. no.no"  
  
"We have first period together."  
  
"...no. no. no. no. no"  
  
"I give you permission to scorch the neighbor's cat."  
  
"...no. no. wait!...no."  
  
Kat pulled to a stop outside the school and Malik bumped into her. She tried to ignore the way his hand landed on her hip and he kept it there longer than necessary. The tanned egyptian glared at the girls frozen mid-step to stare at the blond image of sexiness. Malik curled his lip as the girls got nosebleeds.   
  
"Let's go," Malik said and dragged Kat into the school.   
  
"Huh?"   
  
"I don't want to be attacked by rabid drooling girls," Malik explained as he looked around the prison type establishment.   
  
"Well," Kat said as she looked at her watch. "Time to play rat football (©Kat)." Malik only stared as the vertically-challenged brunette began dodging the towering people around her. Narrowly avoiding a collision with a cheerleader, Kat turned around and beckoned him to follow. Malik walked towards her and the crowd, on mutual silent agreement, parted a way for him to pass.   
  
She pulled out her crumpled schedule and the pair stood in front of a classroom that was for their first period subject that read "Sex Ed" in big letters. Kat's eyes watered in horror as Malik's widened in interest. "This could be entertaining," Malik whispered to himself as a big grin slowly appeared on his features. Kat, meanwhile, turned to the nearest wall and proceeded to put her head through it.  
  
"K- Kat? Kat! You're gonna need that," Malik said as he stopped the head-banging.  
  
"Oops," Kat squeaked out as she looked at the wall.  
  
"You'd better hope the janitor knows how to plaster and paint."  
  
They let themselves into the classroom and seated accordingly. Malik in the row in front of her and Kat attached herself to her friend Jonah.   
  
"So this dude-" Jonah started because he had a death wish.  
  
"I DON'T want to talk about it," Kat said meaningfully.   
  
"So you-"  
  
"DON'T say it."  
  
"Alright."  
  
The teacher walked into the classroom and the students grew quiet. The female sighed at the sight of lucid grins from the boys and the mortified expressions of her fellow females. "Same every year," she muttered.   
  
"Lets speak about safety first," the teacher started. " We'll get to the condom issue later but what has been happening lately is that people have been getting infections from inappropriate body piercings. You may want to watch out for those."   
  
Kat glanced at Malik as he turned around and showed the class his tongue. A shiny, silver barbell caught her eye. Pathetic whimpers started in her throat at the sight. Malik winked at her and turned around.   
  
"Should I get you a drool mop?" Jonah asked as he poked her.   
  
~Five minutes later~  
  
"Kat, why are your eyes glazed over?" Jonah asked. His friend was staring into space with a stupid grin on her face. He could hear the unused wheels and bolts in her head turning. "Kat!" he snapped as he clicked his fingers in front of her face.   
  
"Gah! I swear I wasn't thinking about his tongue ring!" Kat exclaimed to the whole class. The whole class was suddenly silent and random cricket chirps could be heard as the silence stretched. "Ahem. Excuse me while I pull up these floorboards and crawl under them," Kat said calmly as she slid down in her seat, eventually disappearing under the desk. Her face was inventing new and interesting shades of red as the teacher cautiously continued the lesson.  
  
Kat approached the lunch table which Bakura was currently occupying, sitting passed out with his head down on the table. She was holding a thick book by its cover using two fingers and maintaining as little contact with it as she could. Bakura's head snapped up as the book was dropped down on the table in front of his nose. A miffed Kat sat across from him, pulling out a binder. Kat pulled out a pen and used a very complicated procedure of turning the pages using only the pen. It was finally turned to the assigned page.  
  
"What are you doing?" Bakura hazarded.  
  
"First period homework." Bakura looked at the graphics.   
  
"That looks like a penu-"  
  
"It is." Bakura smirked at her attempts to avoid looking at the graphics. Malik chose that moment to plop himself down next to them.  
  
"Couldn't wait to start?" he asked suggestively.   
  
"No, you dishcloth. I just want to get this over with," Kat defended. They had homework. From a book. A very big book. With lots of info.  
  
"Sure, whatever you say," Malik said in a knowing tone of voice and Kat resisted the urge to throttle the tanned egyptian. Kat went back to trying to decipher the information in front of her.   
  
"Weird child," Bakura commented as soon as he was sure she wasn't listening.   
  
"I wonder if she's a kleptomaniac."  
  
"I wonder if she eats rat burgers."   
  
"I wonder if she's a compulsive cleaner."  
  
"I wonder if she's a masochist."  
  
"...That's just going a bit too far."  
  
"I DON'T GET THIS!" Kat suddenly yelled and tried to push the offending book away. "It's written in hieroglyphics."  
  
"It's not written in hieroglyphics," Malik said as he peered over he shoulder. "Believe me, I know hieroglyphics. And what's not to get? Do you want me to draw you a diagram?" Bakura joked. Kat's eyes widened.   
  
"Um, no. No thanks," Kat said as she tugged on a black rubber bracelet on her wrist out of frustration.   
  
"What *are* those things?" Bakura asked as he eyed the collection of black wrist decorations.   
  
"Oh, they're called 'fuck bracelets,"' Kat explained. "If someone snaps one off your wrist, you have to sleep with them." Kat did not even have time to blink as a hand shot out and broke one off her wrist. It took a full minute for Kat's mind to catch up to what happened and she jumped up, clutching her head and running around in circles.   
  
"Cripes! You little germ! You dishcloth! You sodden parasite! Naffing lunatic! You...you...you Creature. No! Not creature. MUTANT!" Kat was waving her hands around and steam blew out of her ears. She was seeing the world in shades of red. Malik's hair lifted off his head at the force of her voice but his grin remained.   
  
"So I'll see you after school."   
  
Kat turned and walked out of the lunchroom. With calmness that surprised herself, she waled down the school hallway to the girl's bathroom. Téa watched her friend walk by and raised her eyebrows.   
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"To drown myself."  
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Kat stood outside Malik's house, frozen. She was indecisive as to whether or not to go in. Summoning up her courage, she walked to the porch and rang the bell. A loud clank echoed through the house and a string of profanities followed. (A/N: I would list the profanities but my mind is not creative enough to think them up.)  
  
A minute later, a blonde egyptian opened the door.  
  
"Wow, you actually showed up."  
  
"You thought I wasn't going to?"  
  
"Well, I figures *cough* wimp *cough* - " Malik was quickly cut off as the brunette punched his arm and walked past him into the livingroom. The second he was out of her sight, Malik sagged and clutched his shoulder.  
  
"Owwww," Malik whined to himself.   
  
Kat threw the book down on the coffee table before plopping down on the couch. Malik sat down next to her and opened the book randomly, revealing more graphics that cared nothing for modesty.   
  
"What page?"  
  
"Thirty-two." Malik shuffled the pages.   
  
"Okay, see here - " Malik started off and Kat tuned him out. He tapped her shoulder some time later. "Do you get it?"  
  
"No."   
  
"You might wanna open your eyes and look at the book..."   
  
"Naw, I'm fine." Then her eyes flew open as another bracelet was torn off her hand with a *snap*. Kat glared at him before closing her eyes again.   
  
"Now, I think we have something to go through with."  
  
"No we don't," Kat defended. *snap*  
  
"You explained what they mean."  
  
"I wasn't thinking." *snap*  
  
"Uhuh. And why are your eyes still closed?  
  
"Cuz I wish to disappear."  
  
"Why would you want to disappear from this?" Malik said, his voice suddenly soft. Malik kissed her softly. "Or this?" he asked as he kissed her again. Kat cautiously opened her eyes and stared into the lavender one's across from her. She racked her brain for a suitable answer. Instead of helping her, her traitorous mind yelled "jump him!" She briefly wondered if *she* had an evil yami before realizing she *was* an evil yami and pouncing on Malik to kiss his lips numb.   
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Kat's best friends, Anna and Maeve walked into Malik's open front door and looked around the seemingly empty vicinity. Sudden comprehension graced their minds as they noticed the trail of male and female clothes led from the couch to a closed bedroom door.  
  
"I'm guessing we should leave," Maeve said slowly. The respective door opened and Kat froze in the doorframe, wearing a pair of oversized sweats and an oversized tee-shirt. She froze as she saw the two demi-demons.   
  
"Um. I can explain."  
  
"Please don't. I will NOT ask because if I DO ask, I WILL get an answer," Anna said while trying to suppress laughter. Both girls ran out of the house in hysteria.   
  
"And she said she didn't understand something about the whole process."  
  
"Well, she'll have plenty of experience now."  
  
"And it's Malik-"  
  
"That kid has not only been around the block; he's been cross-country," Maeve used her favorite line. Both demi-demons cackled at the blackmail they have just stumbled upon.   
  
~~~Meanwhile~~~  
  
"That's it. My life is over as I know it," Kat stated with finality as she walked back into the bedroom. Malik, in that time, had managed to put on a pair of pants and sprawl carelessly across the bed, arms and legs akimbo. Kat sat down cross-legged next to him and hugged herself, suddenly depressed. Her spirits sunk and she felt tired instead of the euphoria she felt mere seconds ago.   
  
Malik sensed this change within the brunette and crawled over to her, sitting with his legs tucked under him.   
  
"Malik?" Kat asked softly. Malik furrowed his brows and gazed at her, concerned.   
  
"What's wrong, Kitty?"  
  
"I- I just want to know if you used me just now or if you really do...care?" Kat whispered brokenly. She wasn't thinking earlier but now, rational thoughts knocked and asked their permission to finally have a say in what goes on.   
  
Malik blinked and he threw his arms around the petite girl, the both of them crashing to the mattress at the impact.  
  
"Kitty, Kitty, Kitty," Malik murmured as he hugged her shoulders tightly. "How could you ever think that?" Malik asked, not knowing whether to be worried or amused. "Kat? Um, promise me you won't hit me for what I'm gonna say?   
  
Kat blinked in response.   
  
"Well...ashiteru*." Malik said simply. The world disappeared to Kat as she stared at the ceiling. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me! Kat soon crashed down to earth after noticing Malik's worried face.   
  
"Kat, you okay? Your eyes glazed over and mpht-" Malik was cut off as he suddenly found himself under a very enthusiastic girl kissing his lips numb.   
  
"Though...I suppose...this works...too!" Malik said as he got little breaks to drag in much-needed oxygen.   
  
~~~Five minutes later~~~  
  
Malik was beginning to see the world in shades of blue. "Kat?"  
  
"Neh?"  
  
"Can't breathe."  
  
"Sorry." A very satisfied teenager snuggled into Malik's side and purred.   
  
"So what do we do now?" Kat asked, taking hostage of her hentai thoughts and putting duct tape over their mouths. She dragged them kicking and screaming to the darkest corner of her mind.   
  
"Well, we can finish your homework from the how-to book. We can write our OWN how-to book. Or-" Malik said as he raised her wrist where the perfect row of bracelets dangled, "-we can do something else," he finished as the hentai thoughts perked up their ears and beat down the locked door in victory as another bracelet gracefully ended up lacerated on the bedroom floor.   
  
~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~&~  
  
Lady Maeve: About keeping you from reading this and otherwise driving you insane...I'm sorry.  
  
Kat: No prob. *thinking "you suck you suck you suck"*  
  
Lady Maeve: You sure?  
  
Kat: Yes. *thinking "die die die"*  
  
Lady Maeve: Oh goody then. Thankies.   
  
*ashiteru* means "i love you."   
  
Please review. I love reviews. Flame if you want, I just want feedback, dammit? Is that asking for too much? 


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